Did Brian Have to Die?

On May 28, 2009 at 8:45 in the morning, I found my partner of 15 years dead. He was in the bed face down still holding a can of computer duster in his hand. He had been dead several hours and there was nothing anyone could do. Cause of death: Difluoroethane-Toxicity.

Brain had battled depression and alcohol addiction all through our relationship. He always had therapy, medication and completed an inpatient program in Atlanta where I thought he was on the path to sobriety. He stopped going back to AA and within six months he started beer, then whiskey and finally to ordering medications on-line [Tramodol]. Brian’s life came crashing down on January 13, 2009, when he arrived to work after drinking and over-medicating. He was sent home and received a DUI on his way back to our residence. After seeing the police video, I saw a change in Brian’s attitude about his addictions. I noticed he rapidly slowed on his drinking and stopped ordering medications on-line. A glimmer of hope filled my heart, but that was shattered when I found out he had started huffing computer duster. He had not stopped self medicating, only swapped the method. Utilizing the internet, I printed everything I could for Brian to read about the dangers of huffing. I showed him videos on YouTube of how people acted when huffing. I even used my digital camera to capture a horrific episode where he was hallucinating. Nothing could stop his craving for more computer duster and the high he was getting. We talked, I begged, but the Brian I knew was no longer in control.

I am fully aware that Brain owned his addictions and is responsible for his actions and ultimate death, but did he really have to die? I ask this question because of what I write in the next few sentences. Every effort has been made to set aside my anger and felling of helplessness, but these next few words are for the Medical Community; EMT’s, Doctors, Emergency Rooms, Psychiatrists, and Outpatient Behavioral Staff. Please become more educated on Huffing Addiction – especially the chemical contents, the proper medical assessment, psychological assessment and treatment of both. You see, I took Brian to the Emergency Room in Atlanta – He wanted help. Brian had developed a rash all over his extremities and was itching; he said his bones hurt and his muscles were aching. At the emergency room everything was explained on what Brian was doing – huffing compressed gas [computer duster]. The treatment given was Benadryl for the itching, Atavan for the anxiety and prednisone for the swelling of the rash. He also was given a psychological assessment and set up for Outpatient Treatment.

Brian followed up with his primary care physician concerning his symptoms and she was also told about the huffing computer duster. The primary care physician consulted with Brian’s psychiatrist [who already knew about the huffing] and together they thought he might be having reaction to his prescribed medications. They stopped his anti-depressants and mood stabilizers to see if the rash would go away. They actually did not believe the huffing was the cause of his rash. Four days before Brian died; he called an ambulance because his heart was racing out of control. He was transported to the same Atlanta hospital, medically assessed and told to wait in the waiting room. When I arrived Brian told me one of the EMT’s told him the computer duster was just compress air. Brian chuckled at what was the apparent ignorance of the EMT. We both knew it was refrigerant. This second visit to the emergency room Brian was only treated with Atavan. While waiting for the test results I called the Behavioral Health Unit [during normal office hours] and begged for someone to come and intervene. The nurse remarked while I was in the room that he would have another psychological assessment. It did not happen. The doctor came in the room and told Brian that what he was huffing was refrigerant and that the hospital could not even test for chemical. She told him if he continued huffing it would kill him. It did.

So I ask again, did Brian have to die? He was under the care of a primary care physician, psychiatrist, two emergency room visits, one psychological assessment and been assigned to outpatient therapy. Each and every medical professional knew Brian was huffing computer duster and the most they could, or would, do was say stop or it will kill you. The EMT did not know the computer duster was more than just compressed air. Brian’s primary care physician actually called to offer her condolences and admitted she was not aware the chemical that Brian was huffing was refrigerant. His psychiatrist sent me a sympathy card. The Behavioral Health Unit will not talk to me on the advice of their attorney’s. I feel the medical profession requires more education and knowledge of the addiction to computer duster. Only after there is knowledge can effective treatments be offered to patients like Brian; who in a final act of desperation, show up at the hospital wanting help.

Larry T.
Atlanta, GA

A Mother's Story: Darrell my baby, my son, my friend

The loss of my son is not my first loss. In seven years I have lost my brother, father, uncle, mother, both in-laws, and went through a divorce. These losses, though tragic do not compare with this, my worst loss, my oldest son; this son who has been the one constant in my life since I was 18 years and is now suddenly gone.

How do people find ways to “get high” and why did my son have to try something that of course didn’t seem “quite right.” Don’t all parents teach their children “not to play with matches, look both ways before crossing the street, don’t eat anything that smells bad, don’t take anything that isn’t yours, don’t breathe in chemicals?” Just the act of putting a product in the mouth has to feel “wrong” to anyone doing so. Did we not teach our lessons well enough? Where did our children learn the practice of using inhalants, specifically computer duster? Who did they do this abnormal practice with?? Where did we go wrong? Why didn’t I look for signs of problems?? Why isn’t the practice of inhalant abuse known? Why didn’t I die instead of my child? These are questions that every parent asks themselves, as I have, after the loss of a child caused by inhalant abuse.

My son Darrell was 37 years old. He had a good job, family and friends that loved him dearly and a future that was bright. He had used various drugs and alcohol in his lifetime. He had done away with them, except the occasional beer. It was such a shock that after 37 years, he would die of inhalant abuse….something that is often connected to adolescent abuse. After his death we found evidence that he had been abusing duster more than just the “last time”. In fact just a couple days before his death he had called me telling me he had gotten burned by a light while working under a car. Living three hours away, I instructed him to go to the emergency room, thinking they would treat the burn and send him home. He was reaching out to me, and I told him to go to strangers. The next day his aunt took him to the emergency room and later told me “Darrell’s color just didn’t look right. He was expressing fear of going to the emergency room, which he wouldn’t explain. His blood pressure was really high and he just said he would deal with it later that week, as he had a doctor’s appointment.” My sister to this day regrets not pushing Darrell to stay, the emergency crew to perform further testing and possibly discover the cause of his abnormal vital signs and possibly ask about inhalant abuse. As a nurse, I regret not seeing all of this myself. Inhalant abuse is not often “noticeable” by one symptom. Looking back, maybe the burn was caused by the propellant in computer duster. We will never know.

After speaking with the head of the ambulance company who performed resuscitation on Darrell, come to find out there is not a special protocol for diagnosing and treating inhalant abuse in the field, so it is really up to us parents to WAKE UP and prevent the need for emergency care. In California it is not illegal to use inhalants, and in this case was not reported to the emergency crew. There may be signs, though they may be confused with other diagnoses’, we as parents need to be alert, no matter what the child’s age or history. Some of the signs of inhalant abuse are:
• drowsiness,
• lightheadedness
• loss of inhibition
• unexplained burns
• sores around mouth and nose

Further use can lead to the following:
• dizziness,
• hallucinations or delusions,
• belligerence,
• apathy
• impaired judgment

Long-term inhalant abusers can suffer damaging health consequences including:
• depression and mood changes,
• weight loss,
• inattentiveness,
• lack of coordination
• irritability
• weakness

There are many firsts in a parents life- first tooth, first step, first bicycle ride, first merit badge, first prom…We all await their graduation, wedding, their first child, their first big job… With a child’s death we have some most grievous firsts – the first relative we must hear from, the first conversation with the emergency room crew and coroner and our first glimpse of our child lying dead on a gurney. The first time we go through belongings to choose their clothing for the memorial; first time we go through pictures and preparing our first words for the memorial service. The first time we have to comfort family and friends when you yourself are falling to pieces….Your first true realization that they were not coming back and a first memory of anything you ever said or did that might have hurt feelings or not been supportive. Then the first time you realize you can’t pick up the phone to talk to them. Their first birthday after their death, first one week, one month, one year anniversary of their death, first Mother’s Day without their phone call, first Christmas without their presence, their siblings’ first born child who would not have their fun-loving Uncle Darrell present .

Our family has now lived through the first year without our beloved Darrell, son, brother, nephew, cousin, friend, boyfriend, co-worker. Time marches on, moving ever forward. It is now time to take action against inhalant abuse, knowing that Darrell would want us to do as much as possible to prevent others from dying and to support those who have lost a loved one to inhalant abuse. We all must help encourage legislation and promote education of community and health care providers to prevent further deaths.

We, the parents who have lost children to inhalant abuse, are available to provide support, with an open ear, mind and heart. We are not experts in counseling, intervention or diagnosis but experts in empathy, having been through the worst loss. Following is advice that helped me make it one year, when I really thought I might die of a broken heart and sometimes wishing I would.

1. Accept help when it is offered as it may come from places you least expect.
2. Lean on friends and family, talk to doctors, counselors (thanatologists, death specialists, if available) and others who have been through similar circumstances (ie support group participants)
3. Some friends do not know what to do or say, don’t hold it against them, move on.
4. Don’t be ashamed to cry when you need to.
5. Talk about your loss and keep their memory alive.
6. If you find solace in certain activities, do them often. ie. Exercise, church, movies, work, family visits, but do not bury yourself in them, they won’t make you forget.
7. Avoid alcohol intake, it often makes you feel worse.
8. Find out information about the death if there are questions, it may hurt immediately but will make you stronger and ease your mind.
9. If you have dogs and/or cats, pet and talk to them often, they are good listeners. Allow them to comfort you in their unique way.

Books to read that helped me through my grief:
• The Worst Loss, Barbara D. Rosof
• Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief, Martha Whitmore Hickman
• Your Child, Your Friend, When an Adult Child Dies, National Kidney Foundation
• The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, A Story of Life for All Ages, Leo Buscaglia – Written for children to understand death and dying
• The Next Place, Warren Hanson – Written for children regarding where the soul/person goes after death
• Safe Passage, Molly Fumia

Special thanks to the Alliance for Consumer Education and the Musculoskeletal Transplant Foundation for all of their wonderful support throughout my first year of grief.

- Margie P., RRT, RN

'Climbing the hill' with SADD

Yesterday the ACE team traveled to Bethesda, Maryland to attend the 2009 SADD – Students Against Destructive Decisions National Conference, an annual event attended by hundreds of motivated youth and adults from all across the country. With over 10,000 active SADD chapters in the United States and members ranging in age from middle school to college, Bethesda’s North Marriott Conference Center was bursting with energy and excitement as participants began the first leg of their three day journey- ‘Climbing the hill,’ the theme for this year’s gathering.

SADD – Students Against Destructive Decisions is the leading youth-based prevention education organization in America, providing and empowering students with the proper prevention tools to deal with issues concerning underage drinking, drug use, impaired driving, and various other destructive decisions.

ACE conducted an hour long informational workshop defining and discussing the prominence of inhalant abuse within schools and communities across the nation. Attended by students, parents, counselors, and teachers from across the country (some as far away as California and Vermont) ACE’s presentation was extremely successful as the session facilitated insightful group discussion and dialogue!

In addition to presenting, ACE also distributed inhalant abuse information, FAQ’s and fact sheets to hundreds of SADD participants ‘hiking’ along the Exhibit Hall ‘trail.’

The ACE team had a fabulous SADD ‘excursion’ and is anticipating next year’s great adventure!

Calling All Bidders!

ACE’s eBay fundraiser is under way NOW! Don’t miss out on your chance to win some great items including a football autographed by former Kansas City Chiefs tight-end Tony Gonzalez, and a beautifully crafted glass platter with stand. Swing by and browse our eBay store today, and be sure to check back daily for newly listed items!

Please remember that with each bid you are doing your part in helping ACE reach out to more communities and touch more lives! Happy Bidding!